


Number 45

by Les_Lettres_de_Marque (Technomancer_vAI)



Category: Avengers, Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, Humor, It's not Tony's fault the voters of the United States are categorically insane
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-12-04 17:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/713114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Technomancer_vAI/pseuds/Les_Lettres_de_Marque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apparently the majority of American voters believed it was their civic duty to get an unsuspecting Tony Stark in trouble with a disbelieving Pepper Potts. </p><p>Rated T for Language and Tony amusing himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good Morning, Mr. President

**Author's Note:**

> I had posted this over at Fanfiction.net, and, it's not abandoned. Honest. 
> 
> If nothing else, *I* want to see Pepper's face when she finds out that Jarvis has direct reports working for him in the IT Department of Stark Industries. And the faces of the agents in the Secret Service task group when they show up unannounced at an Arc Reactor job site, and discover that Stark Industries Security considers them to be amateurs. With reason. :)

"Good morning, Mr. President. The date is November 7, 2012, and it is 6 am, EST. Current temperature is 34 degrees Fahrenheit, with light and variable winds at current altitude and calm conditions at ground level."

Tony Stark groaned and closed his eyes again, burrowing into his deep-burgundy heap of pillows, less than half awake.

"Thanks, J."

"May I offer congratulations, sir? An historic moment, indeed."

"Sure, J. Whatever. Thanks."

Tony drifted for a moment, still mostly asleep, and more than content with that state of being. After a five-day, epic, full-size, Badassium ARC reactor build, sleep was a good thing. An extremely good thing.

And then his mind presented him with a thought it didn't want to ignore. He was the President and CEO of Stark Industries, but Jarvis had never before found it necessary to mention that...

"Um... J - why're you calling me 'Mr. President' all of sudden this morning?"

"Because it is the proper title, sir. Ms Potts is inquiring if you have roused sufficiently to engage with her."

Tony snorted, grinning into his pillows.

"Since Pepper's in DC, there's about a dozen puns to be made about me being roused and how hard 'engaging' would be over that distance."

"I believe Ms Potts is referring to engaging you in discussion, sir," the AI told him. It sounded like Jarvis was trying - hard - not to laugh. "You are notorious for the...eccentricity...of your conversation before achieving full wakefulness. However, if you are sufficiently awake as to be capable of recognizing potential double entendres, I believe you are awake enough to speak coherently with Ms Potts. Shall I put her through?"

"Sure, J. Thanks."

"Tony!"

"Hey, Sweetheart. You sound indecently awake for this time of the morning."

"Tony," she warned him. "I'm sure you're 'indecently awake' - "

"I can actually hear the quotes in your tone!" he laughed.

" - too, and all that stuff - "

"Excellent stuff, Pepper" he corrected, rolling over onto his back in the heaped pillows and soft covers of his bed, the blue light of the arc reactor blooming in the pre-dawn shadows of his bedroom. He reached down and pulled the bow out of the drawstring of his sweats so he could work them down his hips a bit. Indecently awake was an appealing idea. "Which you tell me every morning when you decide to indulge in some 'waking indecency'. And if you're calling for some morning phone sex, Pepper, I can only tell you I am in awe of your sense of timing, Sweetheart."

"Tony!" she snapped.

He froze, the hard-on in his hand wilting a little at that 'if you weren't my boss, I would kill you so dead even your ancestors would retroactively expire' tone that she achieved, and in only one word, too.

"Pepper...?" he answered with extreme caution.

"Do you have something to tell me, Tony?"

Still with that seething tone of imminent death. Oh, shit. Whatever it is I've done, it's apparently really bad. Did I break anything on the way home last night - this morning? Wait - I was in the Tesla, not the suit. So I'd have hit it, and I'd know I'd hit something wouldn't I? I wasn't dead tired - just...maimed...tired, after all.

Tony grabbed the tablet off they nightstand, and typed, fast.

'J - scan Tesla roadster. Report any fresh body damage by text to tablet.'

'No damage, sir. The Tesla roadster is intact.'

He tossed the tablet on the other side of the broad mattress. Good that the Tesla was okay. Bad that he wasn't okay with Pepper. 

Tony ran a hand over the arc reactor, hoping inspiration would strike. It seemed inspiration was otherwise occupied.

Crap. So I've forgotten...something. And it was apparently important. It's not her birthday. It's not my birthday. It's not Christmas yet is it - no, it's still November. Did I miss the Halloween gift giving season? Oh, hell, I don't know! Shit. Shit. Shit. Okay... Gotta say something. Let's try something that always throws my delightfully suspicious Pepper: the unadorned truth.

"I love you. I miss you. I - "

"TONY!"

Oh, shit. Full-on shriek of imminent execution by infuriated girlfriend, and not a clue to be had. I am so very fucked, and not in the good way, either.

"Er... I'm not supposed to love you? Or miss you? Okay. Or - not. Actually. Um, Potts, I'm just not okay with that. I do love you. And I do miss you. I wish you were here."

"Tony...how long have you been up?"

Tony Stark glanced down his own body, where waking decency had been achieved while he was trying to figure out why the woman he loved apparently wanted to murder him. This time.

He stifled the audible part of his sigh and pulled his sweat pants back up.

"Um... I don't know...?"

"Tony!"

Jarvis helpfully put up the time in the window across the room.

"Thanks, J. Six minutes, Pepper."

He could hear her grumble, but it was that 'he got that one right, even if I'll never admit it' grumble.

"What day is it, Tony?"

"November 7, 2012. Jarvis told me when he woke me up."

"And what day is that?"

Jarvis flashed 'Wednesday' under the time on the window, so he said that.

"Wednesday?"

He could actually hear her face-palm - but at least it wasn't Thanksgiving that he'd forgotten. That only happened on Thursdays, didn't it?

"Tony - did you vote yesterday?"

"Oh! Are they bugging you about that? Nah - I filed an absentee ballot back in Malibu last month. With the storm I knew I'd be too busy to get home. Just tell the reporters I voted and make'm leave, Pepper. You don't have to put up with them."

"Tony - who did you vote for?"

He blinked at the bedroom ceiling. In twelve years, that question was a first.

"You."

"What! Tony, I'm serious - "

"So am I. Check with the electors in Malibu. I always vote for you. Best person for the job and all that."

"Which office?"

She sounded pissed off, as if she thought he was making it up as he said it. That was disheartening.

"All of them," he admitted.

"All of them!"

"All of them on the ballot - yeah. They let you write in - "

"TONY!"

I am so fucking gonna get killed and I have not even clue one why...

"Um... Yes?"

"There was a presidential election yesterday, Tony."

He grinned.

"You got one vote at least, Pepper."

She blew out a long groan, and Tony raised a brow at her lung capacity. 

Not that that hadn't been evident during some previous episodes involving screaming in pleasure, but one never knew where the adrenalin stopped and the sheer physical prowess started in those situations. One small happy thought in this conversation. Oh, yeah - my Pepper is a screamer with staying power. Maybe I could teach her to sing...?

"Did you watch the returns, Tony?" his Pepper demanded.

"Nope. Wasn't home. I was finishing the portable ARC to loan out to Con-Ed. It's on line at noon today, the universe willing and the creek don't rise. Again. More. They're predicting another storm y'know."

"Yes, Tony. I know."

"Oh, cool. Um - are you, um, mad at me about the election, Pep?"

"You might say that," she said in tones that made a death sentence sound cozy. 

Oh, shit. So very fucking cluelessly dead.

"Er...why? Who won, by the way?"

"Who won!?!?" Pepper sputtered, and Tony stifled a chuckle when she couldn't seem to string together any additional worlds.

"Mr. Stark was incommunicado yesterday, and remained so until your call this morning, Ms Potts. He instructed me to 'maintain radio silence' - except for you. He has seen no news reports of any sort, nor spoken to anyone other than you and I," Jarvis put in.

"You mean he doesn't know!"

Tony blinked, brows climbing. Pepper could shatter glass with that pitch.

"Do I know what, Pepper?" he asked, rubbing the arc gently. "Are we having another alien invasion? Congress subpoenaed me? Dummy tried to drive my Testarossa again? J - why didn't you tell me about Dummy and my Ferrari, man?"

"Tony - about the election - " Pepper said before the AI could respond.

"Yeah?"

"You won."

"I did? Cool! Won what? I didn't know we had a bet."

"No, Tony. You won the election. By write in votes. You're the duly elected forty-fifth president of the United States. And if I find out you knew anything about this beforehand, you'll be the first president to be assassinated before his inauguration, too!"


	2. Pranks, No Matter How Epic, Are Less Important Than Engineering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course Tony Stark doesn't believe he's been elected president. The idea is fucking insane, after all, and who wouldn't be stubborn about it, under such circumstances?

There was just no other possible fucking response. 

Tony Stark sprawled back in his mound of pillows, and laughed. And laughed. And pulled his knees up, and laughed. Grabbed his ankles, splayed those knees out, rocked on the mattress, and laughed more. Tony let go of his ankles, plopped backward into the pillows arms spread, wiggled himself comfortable again, and kept laughing all the while. He waved his left hand around in the shadowed air, more or less in the direction of the camera in that section of the ceiling, and laughed. Words wouldn't come out past the mirth, so he just laughed. 

And laughed.

And laughed some more.

And kept laughing.

Finally, he just lay there, sprawled out, loose-limbed on the deep-red, raw-silk sheets, dark hair rumpled against the pillows, gray sweats askew and riding low, one hand over the glow of the arc, still chuckling as he grinned at the ceiling.

"Are you finished?" Pepper growled.

"Probably not," he chirped, brain cocooned in laughter-induced endorphins, and his grin escalating to a smirk.

"Anthony Edward Stark! Do not make me reach through the telephone and throttle you!"

"Shall I report this threat against the president elect to the proper authorities?" Jarvis promptly inquired.

"JARVIS! You are encouraging him! Do not encourage him!"

"Hey, don’t yell at my AI for going along with your joke!”

“It’s not a joke, Tony!”

“Sure… it’s not. So, was there anything else, Potts? Can I go back to sleep till, say, nine? I'm beat."

"Tony, you can't go back to sleep! You've been elected President!"

"Oh, please! Good joke, Ms Potts. Great in fact. But it's over. I'm glad you're feeling so playful this morning - wait. No, I'm not. If you're feeling this playful, I'd rather have you here, so I could play with you, Pepper."

"Tony, this is not a joke! JARVIS - show him the new reports."

"Don't bother, J. I'm well aware that video can be faked, too," he said. "Are you two merry pranksters sure I can't get a couple more hours here?"

"Sir, there are Secret Service Agents Outside the tower."

"Oh, no. They're there already?"

"Yes, Ms Potts. They're becoming insistent."

Tony yanked the maroon sheet over his head with a groan. "And what are they supposed to want? I haven't counterfeited anything, and you both know it!"

"Except responsible adulthood."

"Love you too, Potts. Wait. Oh, shit. J - The Bots haven't been gettin' jiggy with the Bridgeport again, have they? Those little sterling salt and pepper things they made for Pepper were pretty good - "

“They made those pepper pots!”

“Sure. I told you they did, Pepper.”

“Tony! You let your robots make things in your workshop!”

“Arts and Crafts hour, Pep. Kids need creativity in - “

“Anthony Stark, they are robots! Not children! Not even counterfeit children!”

“Well, I’m glad they’re not here to hear this. Poor little guys would be hurt, Pepper. They both adore you. Especially Dummy.”

“You programmed them to.”

“Not especially, no.”

“TONY! You’re changing the subject!”

“Okay, okay back to the subject at hand. Jarvis - have the Bot Boys been making things with the Bridgeport without permission?”

“JARVIS!”

“No, sir. I do not believe the robots have been indulging in the creation of collectibles again. To return to Ms Potts’s subject before she become more agitated - “

“You’re taking his side, JARVIS. I’ll remember that.”

“I am Mr. Stark’s AI after all, Ms Potts. The Secret Service is here, sir, perhaps in case you did indeed know anything about this election beforehand. It would then be their sworn duty to protect you from Ms Potts's wrath and her threat of assassination. As, indeed, would be their duty in any case."

"If I was the elected president," Tony complained from under the sheet. "Which I can't be, because I didn't run!"

"That doesn't seem to have been pertinent, sir."

“Of course it’s pertinent! I am not some assclown of a politician, ergo I cannot be elected the president of the United States!”

"I do not believe that 'assclownery' is among the qualifications for election to the presidency, sir.”

“Wanna bet on that, J?”

“Sir, you meet the minimum age of thirty five years. You are a native born citizen. You - "

"Jarvis, I did not run for office.”

“Sir, as you’ve already noted to Ms Potts, the United States election process allows for write in votes, wherein voters may indicate their constitutionally qualified choice for office, regardless of what names appear on the ballot.”

“I did not run for office! I refuse to be expected to attend fifty million more meetings than I already hate to attend!”

“Nonetheless, you’ve been elected, sir.”

“Like hell!”

He swept the sheet off his body, kicked the covers off his feet, and yanked his sweatpants up far enough to get out of bed without taking a header on the carpet. 

"Knock it off, you two! Great joke, but also a vast crock of shit. But I don't believe a word of it, not the elections and not the Secret Service. 'Scuse me. If you won't let me go back to sleep, I'm goin' out to the job site now. The sooner I get the new reactor on line, the better, anyhow."

"I shall inform the Secret Service of your plans, sir."

"No you won't! Literally! You either, Potts! I'm gonna take a shower. J - make coffee. Lots of coffee."

"What are we supposed to tell the Secret Service, Tony!"

"There is no Secret Service, Potts," Tony snapped, digging out clean clothes from his dresser drawers. 

"Damn it, Tony!"

"Tell the imaginary government agents I'm in the shower, because I really will be!"

"And Director Fury, sir?"

"How the fuck would I know where he is right now?"

"No, sir - he's also on the phone."

"And I'm still getting in the shower!" Tony declared, shucking the sweats to stalk across the bedroom naked in the light of the arc reactor.

"JARVIS, is he walking around the bedroom in the nude?"

"You know Mr. Stark very well, Ms Potts," the AI said.

"Biblically!" Tony yelled over his shoulder and kicked the bathroom door shut behind him.

"We probably have cameras on all the lines of sight by now," Pepper sighed. "Please opaque the penthouse windows while Tony's parading around...stark naked...JARVIS, for all the good it'll do at this point."

"Yes, Ms Potts. We don't want the president elect overexposed in the media before he ever speaks to them."

"If only we could keep him from ever speaking to them..." Pepper sighed.

"Is that another threat against the president, Ms Potts?"

"Now I know why Tony mutes you, JARVIS."

 

 

In the bathroom, Tony Stark watched his reflection run a fingertip along the edge of the vertical strip of beard below his bottom lip in the aquamarine-blue light of the arc reactor. Stock prices and news headlines streamed in ribbons of blue and gold and crimson characters across the bottom of the mirror, but he didn't bother reading them - doubtless whatever they said reflected his darling significant other's ongoing joke, and, in Tony Stark's experience, distraction while shaving resulted in the unintentional invention of new styles of facial hair. 

It looked even to him, and Tony switched off the shaver, and popped it back into its charging base on the black granite vanity top, picked up his faded jeans and pulled them on.

"Sir, Colonel Rhodes is calling."

Stark raised a brow at his reflection and blew out a sigh. "Put him through, J."

"Tony!" James Rhodes voice burst out of the concealed speakers as a connection icon carrying his picture appeared in the upper right corner of the mirror.

"Rhodey, hey. Where are you, man?" he asked, yanking the long sleeved T down over his head, then trying to rake his hair into some semblance of order with his fingers.

"Edwards."

"Edwards! What the hell are you doing on the phone at...3:50 in the morning, your time?"

"Talkin' to you," Rhodes said solemnly.

Tony snorted, donning his chambray shirt and buttoning it. "Points for Rhodes!"

"What're you doin', Tony?"

"Finishing up shaving. Gettin' dressed for the job site. Why?"

"Pepper called me, Tony."

"Oh, fuck, no! Don't you start, too. I am not buying it, Rhodey. I have a reactor to bring on line this morning. Lots of people who need power. You two can bust my balls and mess with my head tomorrow, okay? I don't have anything major on the schedule for tomorrow."

"Tony, this not a joke!"

"So, what? You two are calling it a prank? Get real, Rhodey."

"No, Stark! You need to get real, man! Stop being an ass and take this seriously!"

Tony Stark watched his own expression harden, lit blue by the arc reactor in the reflection in the mirror above the scrolling data. 

"No. No, I don't think I will," he said. "The idea of me as the president of the United States is just fucking insane, no matter how you think about it. I don't have time for fucking insanity this morning."

"I don't think you know what you have time for, Stark. Have you taken a look at the crowd around the base of that tower of yours this morning? You aren't gonna be able to go anywhere today, man."

"Is that a challenge, Colonel?" he asked, knowing the fangs-bared grin would be audible in his tone.

"Oh, shit! No! Just no, Stark! Do not use Ironman to get to some stupid engineering job site! That's just...wrong!"

Tony watched his own eyebrows climb his forehead in the mirror, and made a mental note to tell whichever of his PA's he saw first to find a time, way, and means to arrange a little attitude adjustment, deluxe edition, for Rhodey regarding non-weapons engineering. There had to be something appropriate available...

The motor/sail yacht Stark Contrast was based out of the West Coast these days, relaxation-wise, and Cal Tech was rapidly progressing from hinting that they'd appreciate the suggestion of a name for a guest lecturer position, to loud and annoying and monotonous whining on the subject. This morning, at least, it sounded like the research he'd need in order to do justice to the subject of the social ramifications of advances in science and technology would do a world of good for one Colonel James Rupert Rhodes. Might be that "Mr. Stark's suggestion" had just suggested itself.

"I'm hurt, Rhodey," he complained. "It's an arc reactor, and it is it not stupid. This is science, man. It's insanely - inherently cool. You used to know that, man."

"I grew up after MIT, Tony."

"Yes, well, that wasn't your first mistake, Rhodey, but it definitely was one."

"Stark!" The man on the other end of the phone connection squawked.

"Don't deny it, Rhodey. This reactor is important, man. It's gonna make things a lot better for a lot of people who were affected by Sandy. I have to do this for them. Like I said, you and Pepper can warp my psyche tomorrow. The reactor takes precedence today."

"Stark! Stop acting stupid! What did you think was going on last night when all those returns were coming in with your name on them on every channel?"

"I didn't," Tony snapped, buttoning cuffs on the chambray shirt. "I was building a reactor until about two this morning, and then I drove home and fell into bed about three. Which you well know, or you guys wouldn't have tried to pull this epic fuckery this morning."

"Oh, please, like you didn't know anything about the election returns - "

"Mr. Stark was incommunicado all of yesterday, and until I woke him this morning, Colonel Rhodes."

"Jarvis - "

"Truly, Colonel Rhodes. Judging from my monitoring of his surroundings, i do not believe election returns were even discussed within earshot of Mr. Stark's yesterday. If I had realized his ignorance of the situation would be of such moment to you and to Ms Potts, I would have brought it to Mr. Stark's attention. I apologize for my lack of comprehension in this matter, Colonel Rhodes."

"Jarvis, I don't want to hear you apologizing because their joke isn't going the way they expected," Tony said, tucking his shirts in and zipping his jeans. 

"Damn, you Stark, this is not a joke!"

"Oh, yeah. Pardon me. Your Praaannk."

He could actually hear Rhodes face-palm.

'And what does that say that I recognize the sound?' Tony asked himself with a silent grimace for the mirror.

"Stark - "

"Rhodey, did you call for any reason other than - "

"Stark, you are the duly elected President of the United States, and you're acting like an ass and playing Edison! You've gotta - "

"No. I don't have to do anything. And I would never play Edison. He was a proponent of DC current, which is the definition of lame when it come to electrical transmission, ferchrissakes! 

"Tony - "

"I'm more like Nikola Tesla, only with proper financing. Handsome, eccentric genius whose inventions change the world."

"TONY!"

"I'm gonna have Jarvis hang up on you if all you're gonna do is squawk, Platypus," Tony told him.

"Tony Stark you are the elected - "

"Cut it, J!"

The connection icon in the upper right corner of the mirror turned red and acquired a 'Disconnected' label.

"Thanks, J."

"You're welcome, sir, but may I point out that Colonel Rhodes was factually correct, even if his method of approach to the subject and his delivery of the information left much to be desired?"

Tony Stark made a face. "No, Jarvis. You may not. I don't want to hear this bullshit. We're maintaining radio silence again today, J, and this time I don't even want to hear from Pepper or Platypus unless they have a real emergency. I'm headed to the garage. Please have the bootstrap reactor packed and waiting for me at the Tesla."

"As you wish, sir. Shall I also pack some pastries or such that might approximate breakfast?"

"Thank you, J. That would be a kindness."

 

 

 

Pepper Potts bit back a groan and leaned her forehead in her right palm, feeling escaped strands of hair from her ponytail tickling along her cheeks. She wondered if she'd packed any ibuprofen - let alone that prescription-strength, hell-brew of acetaminophen, aspirin, and caffein that Tony took for headaches, and every other non-alcohol-related ache, too, it often seemed. The stuff scared her, and it scared her more that he habitually washed it down with coffee or Red Bull. But right now, Pepper suspected she'd snatch the bottle out of his right hand, the mug out of the left, and when she'd swallowed the tablets, she'd beat him senseless with the mug and the bottle both, the damned stubborn, irresponsible, self-destructive, eccentric, sexy, brilliant, compelling, fascinating...jackass...of a commander in chief.

Pepper sighed to herself. 'Deep breaths, Potts. Deep breaths. Murdering him now is a Federal crime, not justifiable homicide like it was yesterday. See? Mom was right. This is what happens when you procrastinate, Virginia. Deep breaths.'

Across the brightly-lit lounge of her suite, CNN played on the fifty inch television with the sound off. Still shots and file footage of Tony were interspersed with footage of crowds celebrating - equipped with a dizzying array of home-made Stark signs and banners - while an equally dizzying array of Talking Heads tried to explain this totally unexpected turn of events to each other. She'd turned the sound off when one of them had offered the opinion that the election of Tony Stark must herald the Apocalypse: and none of the rest of them had laughed at the twit. Pepper saw they were still talking about Tony - the morning's latest actual revelation had been that she'd somehow learned to lip read the words 'Tony Stark' without realizing it, during the last decade - but at least with the sound off, she wouldn't have to hear it if they decided he wasn't just the harbinger of the Apocalypse but the Antichrist himself.

'Because I just know Tony would be delighted to use that quote in every press package he issued for the rest of his life,' she thought with a snort. 'Tony Stark, National Treasure and duly proclaimed incarnation of the Antichrist...'

Jack Hale, her newest PA, stuck his head in from the main room of the hotel suite, ducked back out. Pepper thought she heard him say something like "I'll seem if she'll speak with you," and then he was hurrying across the rose-and-cream lounge to her.

"Ms Potts?"

"Did we figure out how Mr. Stark got out of the Tower, Jack?" she asked, from across her ThinkPad.

"I - Um, no, ma'am."

Behind Hale, a tall, bald, black man strolled into the room, pausing to watch the big, flat screen tv with his back to her, hands clasped behind him, and the tails of his long, black leather coat settling around his knees like a royal robe. Pepper stifled a groan.

"No?"

"No - there's a man here, says he's a government agent, ma'am, with something called SHIELD...? He wants to talk to you, specifically, Ms Potts. Should I tell him to go away?"

"Too late for that," Pepper sighed.

"Far too late, Ms Potts," Director Fury agreed pleasantly, turning from the television to stroll over to Pepper on the lounge's couch.

Jack nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Fury voice.

Pepper rolled her eyes. "Go on, Jack. Get back on trying to locate Mr. Stark in transit, please. It'd be just my luck to have him abducted out of his car at gunpoint on a Manhattan street, this morning of all mornings."

"Yes, ma'am."

Hale gave Director Fury a nervous glance, and hurried back out to the safety of the presence of the other four PA's in the main room.

Fury watched him go, then turned his head back to Pepper, raised a brow.

"All five of them are yours?"

She made a face. "You make it sound like I birthed them, but yes, that's my personal staff out there, and yes, there's more staff back in California, mine and Tony's both."

"Hmm. He's been taking more of an interest in Stark Industries these days, then?"

"Since the Avengers Initiative goes on and off like a strobe light, and the vast majority of the world has learned how dangerous it is to traffic in Stark Industries weapons without proper IMAR approval, the Green Energy initiative helps to keep him occupied."

"You mean 'eye-tar', ITAR - International Traffic in Arms Regulations - ?"

Pepper interrupted him with a snort. "No, Director. I mean IMAR: Ironman Arms Regulations. Much more stringent than ITAR, I assure you. Regulations with teeth - or a weaponized suit - to back them up, as it were. Did you know that every one of the shipments that Obadiah Stane made without Tony's knowledge met ITAR license stipulations? SI hadn't been so much as accused of an ITAR violation for ten years before Ironman, Stane dealing under the table and all. Tony's has SI's legal department pressuring the government to do more tracking of what the approved parties do with the weapons that've been consigned to them. As soon as he has the time to work on it, I suspect the whole regulations part of ITAR will be revised."

Fury chuckled quietly. "I suspect we both prefer Tony to be occupied. He tends to revolutionize something major unexpectedly, when he's not."

"Like both our organizations? You won't get any argument from me about Tony Stark, idle hands, and the Devil's Workshop, Director. There are moments when I look back on his uber party-boy days with nostalgia. If nothing else, that Tony Stark was easier to manage."

Director Fury snorted.

"Have you spoken to Tony this morning, Ms Potts?" Fury asked, appropriating the end-chair across the cherry-wood coffee table from her end of the couch without asking, and arranging himself and his coat in it as if he were the newly elected, most powerful man in the word to be..

She rolled her eyes. 

'That is, most powerful man in the world to be, if we can just convince Tony to believe what we're telling him...' she thought.

"I have, Director Fury - about three minutes after JARVIS woke him."

"And what did he say?"

"Tony thinks JARVIS and I are pranking him."

Fury blew out a breath. "That's essentially what JARVIS told me when he informed me that Tony wouldn't take my call."

"Tony thinks you're in on it," she told him.

Fury rolled his eye. "The urge to throw him in a detention cell until this gets straightened out is very strong, right now."

"Don't," Pepper told him, grinning despite herself. "The current head of Legal at SI is an expert on election law, among other things, and his term for working with Tony is 'a delight'. No accounting for taste, true, but I can assure you that the lawsuit would absolutely make Sam Lander's decade."

"Hmm."

"Do you know where Tony is right now, Director? I can tell the Secret Service where he's going, but not the route he'll take to get there. They aren't particularly satisfied with that answer."

"They may be in for a lot of dissatisfaction in the days ahead. No, we haven't tracked Tony's car as yet."

"No? How hard is it for a super spy agency to track a customized Tesla roadster in Candy-and-Pearl Hot-Rod Red? Not to mention the STARK 56 vanity tag?"

"Harder than you'd imagine, when we thought he was in the Audi until now."

Pepper blew out a snort. "You've had him as a consultant for a couple years, and an Avenger for months, and you can't even predict he'll be driving an electric car when gas is scarce? Director Fury, I hate to ask, but are you this slow on the uptake all the time?"

Fury made a face. "I don't suppose the inconvenience of running out of gas would - "

"Have anything to do with it," Pepper interrupted. "He knows other people need the gas, and he likes driving the Tesla. So... Even pre-Afghanistan Tony wouldn't have needed a second thought, much less prompting, to do that."

"Can't JARVIS track Tony?" Fury asked after a moment. 

Pepper shook her head. "That's the wrong question. It's will JARVIS track Tony, for us. JARVIS tracks Tony twenty-four seven, three sixty-five. It's part of why JARVIS exists. But JARVIS doesn't share Tony's location unless directed to, or he perceives an imminent threat."

"Even if the AI knows that Stark really is the elected President?"

"JARVIS is Tony's AI, not ours. He likes Tony too much to disobey him solely for our convenience. So, as long asTony's all right, I think the answer is 'no'. I think he'll piss and moan at Tony all day, and he might actually make headway convincing Tony while he does. But JARVIS won't out and out go against Tony's wishes in this instance, not unless a credible threat presents itself."

Fury raised a brow, and Pepper chuckled. 

"Oh, no. On your own head be it, if you try to invent a convenient credible threat and you get caught! I'll throw you under the bus so fast, you'll be road kill before you know I've moved, and JARVIS will narc you out to Tony faster still, Director Fury."

"Stark's AI likes him?"

"Is it so hard to believe someone would like him? After all, a whole nation just liked him well enough to elect him president, totally without him campaigning for the job. That's even more than 'like', I'd say, Director,"

"You know... Are we sure that someone isn't pranking us with these election reports, Ms Potts?"

"You really are not at all observant, at least when it comes to Tony, are you?" Pepper laughed. "Don't glare at me like that! To do this, they'd have to be incredibly rich, and, be JARVIS, have JARVIS, or command JARVIS - and I hope we can both agree that Tony didn't do this."

"He is a narcissist - "

"He plays one on tv, sure."

Fury gave her a very paternal 'come on now, my girl' look and Pepper traded him back a demure expression of perfunctory interest.

"What? Didn't you realize I like him, too?"

"First Lady wannabe," Fury grumbled.

Pepper just laughed at him.


End file.
